No glamour, all heart: Why this surgeon-mom is proud her daughter chose the same path

Nelayda Fonte, DO, knows better than anyone that a life in surgery isn’t a glamorous one. It’s blood (lots of blood), sweat, tears and missed family dinners. And that’s exactly why it “warmed the cockles of [her] heart” when her daughter, Kaili Yap, OMS I, decided to follow in her footsteps anyway.

Converging paths

Following in those footsteps didn’t mean taking the shortest route, though. Despite the family legacy, Kaili describes her path to medicine as a “diagnosis of exclusion” that took a detour through political science, music, quantum physics and a master’s in bioethics to realize that patient care was where she actually belonged.

Nelayda’s experience was the total opposite. With a lifelong passion for healthcare, becoming a physician was the only thing Nelayda ever wanted to do. Being a trauma surgeon, though, meant Kaili witnessed firsthand the very “unglamorous” side of that career choice, which made it even more meaningful to Nelayda when her daughter chose the same path.

“I knew Kaili was making that decision out of knowledge and not out of the romanticized version of what it’s like to be a physician,” said Nelayda. “I know she’ll be a success because she’s going into it with her eyes wide open.”

Though medicine was her calling, the DO path wasn’t always as obvious. That changed after Nelayda began shadowing physicians and noticed a distinct approach to patient care that osteopathic physicians embraced: one that looked at the whole person, not just the symptoms.

A better match

While she had acceptances at allopathic medical schools, Nelayda made the decision to enroll at Rowan-Virtua School of Osteopathic Medicine (RowanSOM) based on the philosophy, attitude, respect and collegiality that she experienced during her medical school interviews.

“Osteopathic medical school interviews were so different: ‘What do you want to do? What can you bring to the patients? What can you bring to the profession?’ That mindset was a great fit for me,” she says.

That philosophy resonates with Kaili as well. She says that her favorite part about being an osteopathic medical student is its alignment with her own idea of what it means to be a good physician. While she pursued a master’s in bioethics at Loyola University Chicago, Kaili says the school’s Jesuit values helped shape the way she approaches medicine.

Cura personalis in practice

“Cura personalis is a Jesuit value that, essentially, translates to treatment of the whole person,” said Kaili. “To me, osteopathic medicine is a direct translation of the body, mind and spirit, whole-person care approach. It’s really exciting to be able to go to medical school in a place where I can embrace those values—not just when I’m learning the science of medicine, but also while learning the clinical art of medicine.”

A first-year osteopathic medical student at Lake Erie College of Osteopathic Medicine-Bradenton (LECOM-Bradenton), Kaili is leaning toward pursuing surgery, like her mom, but says she will keep an open mind.

Also like her mom, Kaili will serve as president of the student chapter of the American College of Osteopathic Surgeons (ACOS) at LECOM-Bradenton, mirroring Florida-based Nelayda’s current role as the ACOS’s national president.

“I didn’t tell my mom that I was running for that position, so I kind of jump scared her on the phone by saying, ‘I think we’re both presidents of ACOS right now,’” Kaili says.

“That was a fun phone call,” Nelayda adds. “I truly couldn’t be prouder.”

As an AOA board-certified trauma surgeon and mother of a medical student, Nelayda also spoke about developing a grounded perspective on what balance actually looks like when you’re a mother and a physician.

“Hard is a relative word. Was [balancing a career and motherhood] challenging? Yes. But I truly believe you can have everything; you just can’t have everything at the same time. You just have to prioritize,” Nelayda said. “The days are long, but the years are short. You get through it day by day, and then you realize, ‘Wow, not only did they survive, but I survived too.’ Challenging? Yes. Impossible? No.”

Other stories in this series:

Lessons from mom: Why personal connection is a physician’s best tool

In Kirksville, Missouri, a milestone in motherhood and medicine

Full-circle care: From children to centenarians